Sometimes They Grow Up Way Too Fast
by rkoradio
Summary: The Enterprise visits a universe where they're fictional & the sitcom "Growing Pains" is real; they rescue GPs Chrissy Seaver and others caught in alien DNA altering experiments, solve the mystery of the long lost Chuck Cunningham, & meet Mork from Ork


The Enterprise visits a universe where they're fictional & the sitcom "Growing Pains" is real; they rescue GPs Chrissy Seaver and others caught in alien DNA altering experiments, solve the mystery of the long lost Chuck Cunningham, & meet Mork from Ork in the process

A/N: This started as an attempt to just explain Chrissy aging 5 years in one summer on "Growing Pains," but turned into a fun-filled yet bizarre adventure as they jump several unverses and explain an age-old (well, as old as TV entertainment, anyway) problem to do with aging of characters and, in come cases, changing of characters.

I do not have near the tie to do a full Mork and Mindy/Star Trek crossover, but you are all welcome to try, as well as to try a cartoon crossover, if it hasn't already been done.

Sometimes They Grow Up WAY Too Fast

Captain's log: Stardate 80149.2. We had just come from transporting an ambassador to the new Federation world of Gamma Epsilon V. The festivities surrounding their inclusion in the Federation were quite magnificent. However, as often happened, our relaxation ended all too quickly as upon leaving, we quickly received a distress signal.

"Chart a course for the position of the distress call," Captain Picard instructed as he sat on the bridge. "Try to get them on video when within range."

"They are already within visual range, Sir," the android, Data, informed him.

"What? Mr. Data, how can that be?" Commander Will Riker rose in his seat. "How far away is this thing?"

"Correction, Sir. How far was it. The offending ship, along with the scout ship, seem to have disappeared in a wormhole of some type."

"Are our sensors functioning?" Riker wanted to know. He stroked his beard and gave a slightly puzzled expression as he asked Data to speculate.

"It appears that the offending ship simply materialized. It may well be that it chose to appear at this precise spot, saw a ship nearby, and either did what in the 20th century on earth would be called a hit and run attack, or it did not want to be seen and so utilized its wormhole creating device and caught the ship from which we received the distress call up in its wake as it moved back."

"What makes you think that?"

"Since I am android, Commander, I do not technically think. If, however, you are asking me to elaborate on the origin of my hypothesis..."

"Just get to the point,"Riker insisted.

"It appears that that is the only plausible explanation, considering the strange, sudden appearance and disappearance."

Picard rubbed his chin. "Peculiar. Who would have that type of technology, Will?"

"I don't know. But, if there are no debris field around, we'd better be on the lookout. And those aliens are going to have to answer some questions," Riker declared.

Picard had discussed the situation with the entire bridge crew as the Enterprise sauntered through space. Suddenly, they picked up a signature like the blip which earlier seemed to belong to the instantly appearing craft.

"Sir, signature is approximately 2.6 light years away. I am feeding Lt. Data the co-ordinates now," Worf declared. A Klingon, Worf was a member of a people which had warred with the Federation till less than a century ago. The warlike nature of the Klingons showed as he scowled. "Suggest we prepare phasers and raise shields, Sir."

"Shields, yes, phasers no, we don't know what we're up against. We don't want to appear too hostile." Picard ordered that a course be set for that spot at Warp 6. "In the meantime, keep trying to hail them, so we can figure out what is going on."

However, the alien ship appeared to be spooked. Instead of continuing the chase, the alien ship simply popped open a wormhole - or, rather, a hole in space and time. The wormhole quickly enveloped both it and the Enterprise as they sped through it.

After a slightly bumpy ride, Geordi, the chief engineer, hailed Captain Picard, who answered in the comm link in his chair. "Hey, what's gong on up there?"

"We just went through a wormhole of some type, though I don't know where we are now. Is everything functioning?"

"Yeah, it seems to be, but I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."

"I believe that is the case," Data announced. "I have never been to Kansas in the first place."

"It's a wonderful place, really. In fact, if that planet ahead is what it appears to be, you might get the chance right now. It looks like the earth," Riker said.

"The aliens have achieved standard orbit around the earth, Sir," Worf announced.

Geordi had overheard. "Yeah, but Earth of what time period? Our sensors down here sure are reading different stuff from what we're used to; some space junk, but nothing like what we have orbiting."

"Are you implying there is junk orbiting the earth?" Data asked.

"Data...never mind," Geordi said tiredly.

"Very well. From my calculations of star positions, we appear to have ended up in the year 1990," Data announced.

"Well, this should be quite interesting. Hopefully, the aliens have simply historical interests on their minds, but somehow I'm beginning to wonder. Will, prepare an away team," Picard ordered.

Captain Picard stood beside Lt. Barclay at the transporter console moments later. Riker, Data, and Counselor Troi were on the transporter pod. "Good luck, Will. See what you can find. If the aliens did do any damage or even take someone, it could alter Earth history. We don't know what they are after."

"Yes, Sir." The three transported to the surface. All were dressed in civilian outfits resembling those of the late 20th century on Earth..

Riker breathed deeply. He wished they had time to explore the original World Trade Center complex, but they had a job to do. He led the others toward a home with a family that appeared to be frantically searching for a lost child. Riker hoped that the aliens had not visited there. However, his tricorder reading, and those of his ship's sensors, suggested that the aliens had transported down there moments before the Enterprise landing crew, and left.

At that moment, a boy and girl came running up to the Enterprise crew. They asked if they'd seen a two-year-old girl named Chrissy, with long, blonde hair, and described what she'd been wearing. Riker asked to speak to the parents.

Once they'd been shown to the parents, who introduced themselves as the Seavers, Commander Riker extended his hand and spoke. "I'm afraid I have bad news. I'm Commander Will Riker, U.S.S. Enterprise."

Riker studied the stunned expressions. He sensed that the aliens had taken the girl. She'd been playing in the yard disappeared in much less time than it would have taken for a normal two-year-old to leave.

In this instance, then, he felt it was important to tell them who he was. The original Enterprise crew, under Captain James T. Kirk, had demonstrated that a slingshot effect could be used to beam someone back seconds after they'd be transported, to create the effect that they'd never left; it had been done on a fighter pilot, it fact, who had noticed the Enterprise. And, it appeared that, to aid in the search, and help recover the girl, they would need to beam the family on board the ship, if indeed she was missing.

"I know it's hard to believe, but we're from the future. And, we understand your little girl, Chrissy, is missing. We believe some aliens kidnapped her."

Counselor Troi smiled warmly. "I can tell that you all are rather shocked at this turn of events. However, I can promise that we are who we say we are. And, we intend to help you get Chrissy back."

"Oh, well, who's going to rescue her, Captain Kirk?" the oldest Seaver boy, Mike, said sarcastically.

"Actually, Captain James Kirk disappeared some seventy years ago. Jean-Luc Picard is now commander of the Enterprise." Data turned to Riker. "Commander, I find it quite intriguing that these people know the name of Captain Kirk, considering that they are three centuries too early."

"Data, that was probably a joke."

Data cocked his head a little. "Still, the probability of them picking out that name among millions of potential last names is approximately one in..."

"That's enough, Mr. Data."

"Will, I must confess that I, too, am mystified," Troi confessed. "I sense that that name was not randomly picked, but that this young man used the name for a specific reason. Perhaps there was a fictional character by that name?" she asked the family.

"As a matter of fact, there was," Mr. Seaver explained. "It was a TV series called Star Trek. There is a sequel now which takes place..." He suddenly realized what he'd heard - or, at least, thought he'd heard. "What did you say your name was?"

"Commander William T. Riker."

"That's the name of the second in command on the Enterprise," Carol Seaver, the family's teenage daughter, responded.

Data gave a very slight nod of his head. "Fascinating. While I have no such recollection in my data banks, it is of course possible that some future misadventure on one of our missions, or someone else's, will inspire someone to use our names."

"Look, this is all really fascinating," Mrs. Seaver said speedily, "but it's imperative that we find your ship and go back up there and catch the aliens holding Chrissy! Now, where is it?"

"Well, actually, we don't need a shuttle."

The oldest boy looked oddly at Riker, then said sarcastically, "Well, beam me up, Scotty!"

"Actually, Captain Scott is no longer serving on board the Enterprise. Lt. Barclay will be manning the transporter consoles," Data informed them. At that point, Commander Riker ordered the transporter operator to beam them all aboard.

Captain Picard, Commander Riker, Counselor Troi, Lt. Worf, Commander LaForge, and Data met with the Seavers in the briefing room once they arrived on board.

"We are giving chase to the alien ship," Riker explained. "However, it will take a while to catch up to them. We fired a shot across their bow which disabled their wormhole creating device, though."

"A shot which I must say proved the excellent marksmanship of Klingon warriors," Worf declared.

Riker hung his mouth open for a second. "Right. Anyway, we cannot send a team over yet because of the interspatial relay flutter in the mutli-phasic element of the transporter beams. They also will not return our hails."

"Excuse me - would you say that in English?" Ben Seaver, Mike's preteen brother, requseted.

"Sorry. I didn't realize the universal translators weren't working at the time."

Worf leaned toward them and said, "They won't talk to us."

"I mean that part about the...whatever the heck he said is wrong with the transporters!" Ben declared.

Mike noted, "It sounds like a bunch of technobabble."

"That's understandable. You are centuries past anything with which you could possibly be familiar," Troi noted.

"Yeah, man, like our holodecks. While I work on the transports with Data, maybe you can sample our holodeck," LaForge noted.

Troi said one of Picard's favorite programs was a 1940s motel called the Royale.

Mike piped up with, "Oh, yeah, I remember that episode. It was pretty dumb - but nothing like ËSpock's Brain.' I mean, the holodecks must be crazy on this ship," he concluded.

Mr. Seaver chimed in as the Enterprise crew went into shock. "Yeah, and the way Wesley always seems to save the ship. I mean, once or twice is fine, but he released the nanites that he had to save them from on one. And, there were a few others where it seemed almost superhuman. Once is cute, but..."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand. Are you saying that this television series...this supposed fictional account of a starship that is on in your world...has episodes that match our own missions? That is most uncanny," Picard said.

"Well, yeah," Ben said. "Right now we're waiting...that is, we were waiting to see if your character...that is, you survived assimilation by the Borg."

After a moment of awkward silence, Data explained. "I believe they are describing what was known at that time as a cliffhanger. A cliffhanger is a movie or show that leaves major questions unanswered until the following episode. It originated in movie shorts in the middle 20th century. However, by 1990 it was quite common to have them appear in any TV show, and have the ending resolved the next season. Perhaps the most famous was when Larry Hagman's character, J.R. Ewing, was shot..."

"That's enough, Data," LaForge remarked with some insistence.

"Yeah, we don't need an encyclopedia,"Mike retorted.

"Anyway, Captain, one of the reasons for concern is that your character, a famous Shakespearean actor, among other things, may have chosen to leave the show because he was not in as high profile a position, and preferred the stage." Worf cleared his throat. "There are always rumors about actors, and..." Worf cleared his throat more loudly. "Excuse me," Mrs. Seaver finally said.

"Oh, sorry. It is just that since our adventures have been copied in some way and used I fiction, I suspected that I, too, might be played by some wonderfully talented actor who has also excelled in Shakespearean roles or some other fabulous stage productions." The Seavers all looked blankly at him. Several shook their heads. "I am not?!" Worf said with a hint of surprise. He tried to be diplomatic, though. "I see. Well, I suppose that is understandable. As long as the actor who plays me is a wonderful and brave former military man, who retired with many medals and honors, I can certainly live with that."

The Seavers didn't know what to say. Finally, Mrs. Seaver said, "Actually, I am not aware that the actor ever served in the military at all."

Worf slapped the table. "What? For a proud and noble Klingon warrior such as myself to be played by a lowly civilian without even an ounce of military training is an outrage! Someone should do something!" He ignored the tired looks from his crewmates, and chuckles from the Seavers.

"Actually, Worf, has it ever occurred to you that maybe you're not a warrior in every universe?" Mike asked.

Mr. Seaver considered how shocked normal people would be at things like time travel, and blurted out, "Yeah. I mean, this should amaze you all! Aren't you the least bit awed by the fact of transdimensional travel?!?! You apparently have wandered into a universe wherein you are only fictional! Doesn't this travel into parallel dimensions just fill you with a sense of awe?!?!"

"Been there, done that," Worf said tiredly and truthfully, thinking of a recent birthday when he went through many such universes.

At that moment, a message was received via the intercom. The alien ship had been caught up to, and the aliens were attempting to communicate. "On our way. Kids, go up to the saucer section where the families are; the adults can come with us to the bridge." Mike also followed, as Carol was said to be more responsible, and so it would make more sense for the parents if they could keep their eye on Mike. The group dispersed as Picard said this.

Once on the bridge, Picard said, "On screen." A large alien with dark green blotches all over appeared on the monitor.

"Man, what a bad case of zits," Mike murmured.

"I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise. We demand that you release the girl named Chrissy Seaver at once!'

"Never! Prepare to die!"

"Shields raised," Worf said before Picard has a chance to order them raised. Seconds later, a blast rocked the ship.

Once it has quieted for a second, Troi said, "Captain, I sense hostility in the aliens."

"I could have told him that!" Mike exclaimed.

"Number One, suggestions?"

"We just have to hope the transporters are working in time," Riker said. "And that we can locate the missing toddler."

"Ha! You are too late! As of this very moment, we have successfully completed an experiment that once this and the successful wormhole creator are taken back to our home world, we shall be able to do whatever we want when we want with humanity!"

"Oh, no you won't! Not with Chrissy!" Mr. Seaver declared.

"Oh, yeah? See for yourself?" A picture of a strange, lizard-like creature, about the same size as a six or seven year old child, is shown.

Mrs. Seaver screamed. "Chrissy!"

Picard whispered into his chair, "Whenever you have a lock, I want you to beam her directly into Sickbay. Dr. Crusher will be waiting."

"Prepare to meet your doom," the alien shouted. With that, the viewscreen turned off.

"They have broken off communications. I am unable to hail them," Worf dutifully announced.

Mrs. Seaver turned to her husband. "You know, after a few years it's still so weird not hearing Lieutenant Uhura say things like that." When asked by Troi who that was, she explained that the original Star Trek series had a young actress who played the communications officer.

Mr. Seaver agreed. "Worf sure doesn't look or sound as pretty as Nichelle Nichols."

"I should hope not! The idea that I could be pretty is most dishonorable!" Worf exclaimed, glancing over for a second. Looking back at the view screen, he shouted, "They're charging weapons!"

The ship rocked as Picard mumbled, "Anytime, Geordi."

"Shields at 78%," Worf announced. The ship rocked again, and Worf said, "Shields at 62% and falling.

Suddenly, Geordi announced that they had successfully beamed Chrissy into Sickbay.

"Very well, any other signs of life that should be human?"

Picard was told there could be some as the ship was rocked again. "It's hard to tell for sure."

"Very well, phasers and photon torpedoes in a wide dispersal meant to disable them completely. Leave them hanging in space!" A wide barrage soon knocked out the alien's weapons and left them dead and running on minimal life support. Picard ordered Worf to lead a team of security personnel to storm the ship and find what they could about reversing the change.

Now, the problem would be putting Chrissy back in one piece.

Mr. and Mrs. Seaver were talking with Geordi and Data, to see if the crewmembers understood the alien technology yet. "I'm sorry, guys, but I think you're stuck right now with a daughter who's about ready to go into 2nd grade." Geordi put down his tricorder as he continued. "However, as we scanned the data banks for your names, to ensure that their taking Chrissy didn't do anything to alter the timeline, Data found out something else interesting."

To the questioning look, Data said, "According to our data files on past people on Earth, you do not exist."

"What?!"

"What Data means," Geordi added hastily, "is that where we're from, you don't exist. That is, when we went through time, that wormhole also appears to have transported us to an alternate universe, too. That explains why we're fictional where you're from."

"Excise me...where we're from? I don't get it." Mrs. Seaver admitted.

"It appears that you are characters in a fictional television sitcom and fanfiction afterward based on it called 'Growing Pains.'"

"That would be funny and ironic if it wasn't so sad and scary for Chrissy right now, Data," came the comeback.

"Yeah, well, listen to this. Where we're from, the fictional Chrissy does age years over one summer, because they changed actresses," Geordi explained. "And, it's never explained in the series."

"Well, what about that...what was it called?" Mr. Seaver asked.

Data stood straight as he adopted the look he got when he was about to rattle off a long, encyclopedia-like explanation. "Fan fiction is a genre of stories created by fans for a particular movie, television show, book, or other fictional work. It is common for fans to approach fan ficiton by continuing the storyline or expanding on what characters did after that particular work's plot ends. However, it can also be used to fill in gaps and questions left unanswered, or ambiguities left by the original authors."

"So, how do these writers explain Chrissy aging like this?" Mr. Seaver asked.

Data shook his head. "There is no record. Apparently, the required plot of a story in which your daughter aged five years in one summer was deemed to be so outlandish, no writer would dare to touch it, because the very story itself would be impossible for anyone to believe."

"We've stopped them now, but before we did, they appear to have traveled to dozens of alternate universes, thanks to their wormhole creating device, universes which may coincide with television series. We're trying to analyze its functions now, along with keeping the numerous aliens created confined and under anesthesia in Sickbay."

"Dozens?!"

"That's correct, Mr. Seaver, there's a certain signature that we detected that occurred when we jumped universes. And, apparently, they've done it before many times. They may be responsible for the premature aging of dozens of people in other universes - universes in which they are real, though in the world where we come from, they are merely fictional," Geordi elaborated.

"Dozens? You mean there's a universe for every TV show?" Mrs. Seaver asked, totally stunned.

"At least many of them, though some do exist in the same universe as others - there may be one whole planet, it appears, where all the soap operas are real, as there's a slightly different human DNA imprint for many of these creatures, which seems to stamp them as being from a certain version of Earth. But, quite a few have the same one. And, there are others where several are real," Geordi told him.

Mr. Seaver held his head, as if he had a headache. "So...they even have a universe where this guy named Gilligan keeps them from getting off an island for 15 years, and everyone brought along enough clothes to last that long on a three-hour tour?"

"Well, honey, I'm sure it's not the biggest violation of the laws of physics they've seen,"spoke Mrs. Seaver, nodding toward Geordi and data.

A wall comm link beeped, sending Dr. Crusher's voice to the engineering section. "Geordi here," spoke the chief engineer.

"You might want to tell the Seavers to come to my waiting room - I've got good news and bad news."

"We're on our way," Geordi said. He instructed several other engineers and Data to keep working on the problem of jumping universes with the aliens' device while he and the Seavers went into the turbo lift. The Seavers' children would join them in the waiting room.

Dr. Crusher and Troi were waiting as Geordi led them there. "How is she?" Mr. Seaver spoke right away.

Troi spoke to the entire family. "Well, you will know her, and she will know you, I'll tell you that right off the bat."

"You see," spoke the doctor, "Chrissy's cellular structure was altered by the alien's equipment and since we can't recover the exact former body-print we have to use another source."

"Wait a second - body-print?"

"It's like a fingerprint, Mr. Seaver. Except, it encompasses the entire DNA structure."

"Geordi's right; the alien structure must be changed as little as possible, to alleviate any problems. That's why he said he would tell you that you might be stuck with an older daughter. A copy using the DNA from both holodeck samples and possibly one or two of the children on board the ship must be used," Troi explained.

"What? What do you mean - what happened? I mean, if it's been altered, can't you just alter it back?" Mrs. Seaver asked.

"If it had only been modified we could try, but modification would cause other problems," Dr. Crusher noted. "Then there would be a nasty mix of cells with old and new DNA causing autoimmune attack, just like if you get an organ transplant, there's a chance of rejection. This, however, was a complete change; there are no cells with the old DNA, only cells with the new DNA."

"A transmogrifier," Ben spouted. The crew members gave him strange looks. "A transmogrifier. You know - from Calvin and Hobbes in the comics. This hyperactive six-year-old with a wild imagination once used a cardboard box and pretended to change things totally in his mind. They were totally different things then."

The crew looked strangely at each other, until Geordi chuckled apologetically. "Sorry, Data's the encyclopedia."

"It sounds like approximately what has occurred, though, in a way," Dr. Crusher analyzed. "The cell growth and other items are consistent with a human female of about seven years old."

"What?" the Seavers cried in unison.

"You mean Chrissy just aged five years?!" Mrs. Seaver blurted. The statement by Geordi - that they were stuck with an older daughter - hadn't hit home for either parent before when Geordi said it. Now, however, they were starting to come to grips with...something very strange!

"It would appear so; however, I am sure the doctor will do everything in her power to correct the problem, and give her all new DNA approaching Chrissy's original," Troi said soothingly.

"I'll try my best. However, while I will be able to reconstruct her DNA to approach that of her former self - a picture would help - I can't promise perfection." At that point, Mr. Seaver handed Dr. Crusher a wallet photo. Dr. Crusher looked at it, scanned it into her PADD, a small tricorder-like device, and began pressing buttons. She became more worried as the scene progressed.

"Still," said Mrs. Seaver, "how are we going to explain this to our friends, let alone to Chrissy? What's she going through right now?"

Troi assured the family that, "A two-year-old's mind is an incredible thing. She may see it as some sort of fantasy. If she remembers an alien at all, she may, in her mind, change it to something familiar, and it may become an imaginary friend. Now granted, Chrissy will be seven when she awakens, but she will be able to be given memories through the use of our holodecks and through the Vulcan mind-meld. There are a few Vulcans on this ship."

"And, that would probably work with you, too," Geordi added.

"But, how in the world can you mind meld with hundreds of friends, co-workers, the teacher she should have...would have...had...I don't even know how to phrase this with correct grammar," Mr. Seaver said, throwing up his hands.

Troi laughed. "I have always felt grammar was the least of the problems when it came to time or other travel."

"Counselor Troi's right. The hair, for one thing, is all wrong," Crusher said without looking up from her button-pushing.

"What do you mean, all wrong?"

"Look," she explained. "The aliens substituted their own brand of scales for your daughter's straight blonde hair. I can't explain it, but there really is no match for straight hair that can be utilized while keeping the DNA consistent enough within the other strands, especially since the hair follicles will be so close to the brain."

"But, didn't they already change it once?" Carol asked.

"You understood that?!" Mike asked sarcastically.

"Well...enough to know that if you change something once, you can change it again." She grinned sheepishly. "I will admit the whole concept is really freaky to me, though."

Dr. Crusher explained. "The cells have gone through some very traumatic experiences. While I can try to perform the same thing that the aliens did, right now they're pretty weak. So, it's best if it's done at all, to do something approaching what she had, especially in an area close to the brain."

"Well...why not make it curly?" Mrs. Seaver asked.

"Yeah, sure, she could just...have curly hair...like a perm but without ever going back." Mr. Seaver threw up his arms. "Dang, this is dumber than Spock's Brain!'"

"I...don't understand."

"You see, Doctor," Mr. Seaver continued, unabated, "there was this horrid Star Trek episode in which Dr. McCoy literally took Spock's brain out of a machine and put it back in his head with the aid of this cap which somehow enhanced his brainpower by quite a bit, and it worked!"

Dr. Crusher was now thoroughly confused - she hadn't heard that the fictional characters in the Seavers' universe matched their own adventure to a T. "What are you talking about? How could you possibly know about something that is in the annals of every Federation medical textbook?"

Mike suddenly appeared faint. "I can't believe that actually happened. It's too weird."

Geordi smiled reassuringly. "It was very unusual. But, DNA changes have been done by Federation doctors before as of this time, so it is possible; in fact, Dr. Crusher performed something similar to that to save Captain Picard when he was..."

"Stop!"

He turned to Mike. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes, if our TV series really does match your real one, you're giving away spoilers!"

Geordi paused for a moment, unsure of how to continue. The entire room, in fact, became quite confused for a second. Finally, Mr. Seaver said, "It's...something to do with that cliffhanger thing. Please, about the DNA, continue."

"Well," Geordi began, deciding it was best to ignore that bit of weirdness, "as I was saying, my VISOR, for instance, attaches neatly to neurons in my brain, bypassing the eye entirely. We're working on a plan to launch some sort of gas into the atmosphere that everyone can catch - like a cold. We're figuring out how to cause this virus, if you will, to alter brain patterns so that people will recognize Chrissy as being 7, not 2. It has to do with the neurotransmitters in our brains, and the way in which our recognition senses record different data. It's basically the same sort of thing that allows my VISOR to detect things in terms of chemical makeup and so on," Geordi explained.

"We're using a 7-year-old girl's DNA makeup for the rest of Chrissy. But, for the hair, about the only DNA I can find suitable would have to be on the holodeck. Little Orphan Annie's, to be precise, would be a very good fit," Dr. Crusher finished.

Troi gave a friendly smile. "But, don't worry. When we introduce you to the girl your Chrissy will be patterned after, you'll find that she's a lot like her in many ways, from how you described her to me."

Dr. Crusher left for a second, then brought a girl out of Sickbay. Her father, a communications specialist, walked behind her. "This is Catherine. Catherine, this is the family whose little girl you're helping."

The Seavers were happy to speak with the girl; and even happier to find out she was human. She seemed to have much of Chrissy's personality, which already had begun to show in her as a two-year-old. "I wish I could understand what was going on," the girl finished.

"That makes two of us," Mrs. Seaver concurred.

"So...once you put her DNA and little Orphan Annie's hair and maybe bits and pieces of a few others, you'll...man this is crazy. I mean, it just sounds so mechanical. People aren't machines. They're...they're people. Not just DNA put together like a Mr. Potato Head!"

"I know, Mr. Seaver. But, you know what? The Chrissy that you're talking about, the personality, and charm, the wonderful little girl you love, will still be there," Troi assured them.

Dr. Crusher added, "It's just the shell that's being changed."

Troi chuckled. "In fact, maybe Mr. Potato Head is a good analogy. The real Chrissy is the potato. And, what we're doing is just changing her hair, eyes, nose, and so on, and making sure she lives out a normal, healthy, human life, with normal human reactions and things. Catherine is much like Chrissy, perhaps, in her mannerisms. But, we're also trying hard to duplicate her physical makeup, her bodily function, the point at which she'll likely reach puberty, and so on," Troi finished. "But, the real Chrissy has always been there."

"It might be even more of a problem for the others we've rescued, since they've been changed and had their new DNA longer. Their insides and everything have been, well, like those aliens. But, we'll worry about that when the time comes. There are some who can be changed back rather well."

Soon afterward, Captain Picard invited the Seavers into the briefing room. This day was just getting weirder and weirder.

When they saw the legion of pointy-haired people - well, only half a dozen, but it sure seemed like a lot - they knew it would be quite odd.

"I always thought Mr. Spock was the only Vulcan in Starfleet, or at least the first," Mr. Seaver noted.

One of the Vulcans, a scientist named T'Choo, turned to Captain Picard. "These are twentieth century Earthlings, and they know of Vulcan and of Mr. Spock?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. "Something here is not logical."

"You're telling us," Mike proclaimed.

"It will be more interesting for the others, we will need to conduct even more mind melds. However, since the others' families are not around, we will need to cause them to believe simply the same way your and Chrissy's friends will, that they are older and always have been older than they were." Picard explained. "Since you are all here, though, it seems most wise to mind meld with you personality, rather than alter thoughts in the sterile way we shall have to in the numerous other universes."

Picard gestured toward the Vulcans. "Mr. Seaver and family, allow me to introduce biologist Dr. T'Choo and his family."

"Gesundheit," Mrs. Seaver said.

Picard gave an odd look toward Mrs. Seaver, but then continued unabated. "Dr. T'Choo..."

"Gesundheit," Mrs. Seaver repeated.

Picard looked askance at her. Data, Geordi, and Troi were also in the briefing room. Each tried to figure out what was happening.

Finally, Geordi broke into a broad grin. "Captain, I think I know what's going on. Whenever you say Dr. T'Choo's name..."

Several Seavers said "Gesundheit" all at once. Mike added, "I thought the ventilation would be better by the 24th century, that thing's spreading like crazy."

Geordi gave the best rolling eyes look he could for the fact he had his VISOR on. "...Yeah. Whenever you say his name, Captain, the Seavers think you're sneezing," Geordi finished.

Data cocked his head to one side. "That is odd. We have never encountered that particular problem with the universal translators."

"It's not a problem with...well, the sound...I'll explain later, Data."

Data suddenly realized what was happening when Geordi mentioned the sound. Picard understood, too. "Doctor, perhaps if you would introduce yourself, it would be best," he said.

"Certainly." The Vulcan patriarch stood straight and addressed the Seaver family "The captain has informed us of your situation, and requested our help, which we, of course, are happy to provide. I am Doctor T'Choo..."

"Bless you," Mr. Seaver said.

Dr. T'Choo raised his eyebrows. "I fail to understand why you wish me to be blessed."

The man's wife, a woman named Norvak, suggested, "Perhaps that is simply the way in which 20th century Earthlings speak."

"I wish you would not refer to us as Earthlings, we happen to be human beings. Boy, did that that ever sound goofy," Mike said, rolling his eyes at the end.

Troi finally intervened. "I can understand that you are still quite anxious in this strange environment. However, perhaps it will comfort you to know that the fictional works you are familiar with describe perfectly the concept of mind meld which these fine people are prepared to use to assist you in rearranging your memories of Chrissy."

"Yes, you see," Picard explained, "the aliens have some sort of device which can cause others in a certain region to remember Chrissy as a seven-year-old. We ourselves can alter your pictures, home movies, and so on with holographic technology and so forth to make it appear as though Chrissy should actually be seven years old. But, we felt it most prudent to allow you to pick and choose your memories, so that you will personally have a say in your daughter's past."

Totally bewildered, Mr. Seaver asked, "So, you mean they're going to mind meld with us?"

"Precisely. Their youngest is now in Sickbay melding with Chrissy to allow her to awaken as a seven-year-old, believing that she is seven..."

"Wait a minute. So, you can meld with someone while they're asleep." Carol shook his head. "That's freaky."

"I am not certain what the meaning of 'freaky' is," T'Choo noted, "but if it means something like 'impolite,' then yes, it generally is. However, it seemed most prudent to at least provide her with that concept."

"Actually, it means really weird," Ben noted.

"Though now that you mention it, it does seem rude, too. But, I suppose as long as that's all you tell her..." Mr. Seaver trailed off.

Troi reminded them not to think of it as changing her memory. "Think of it as making it not only more convenient, but providing a chance for you and she to share wonderful memories of Christmas, birthdays, family gatherings, and so on."

"But...that's not how things would go. If she were seven, then we would have experienced all those things much more slowly, instead of just all in one big jumble." Mrs. Seaver sighed.

"I understand," Counselor Troi assured her. "Sometimes, children just grow up way too fast, don't they."

"That would be one of the funniest statements yet if this weren't so serious. I mean, okay, so maybe I took her to some ball game when she was five, for instance, instead of being at the hospital that day watching her be born. But, even if we shared great quality time together, we never actually did it, do you know what I mean?"

"I do, Mr. Seaver. But, what is a memory, anyway? It is a collection of different stimuli which evoke responses. Take baseball for instance. If you and she went to some baseball game when she was five, you share a common bond. You may remember more the many trips to the bathroom, or the fact you caught a foul ball. She may recall getting a tummyache from eating too many hotdogs, or having a player sign her cap. Together, you relive that, each memory evoking another one, until things you can't remember are created. Perhaps neither of you remembers the clothes you wore, so you make something up, unless you have pictures. Your mind creates the things you don't recall," Troi elaborated.

"And, that's what we're helping you to do," Geordi offered. "We're helping you, but really, you're helping yourselves. You're going to be able, once you get together with her, to create memories with her. And, even now, the doctor and his family will access your own real memories to help create those memories with Chrissy. If you think she would have played sports at five, for instance, because your older kids did, then they'll use memories of your older kids, and work with you to create similar ones with Chrissy. Then, you'll work together with Chrissy when she awakens to help her remember those things with you. She'll awaken like a person with some amnesia, and you'll all be helping her. And, with a mind-meld, it's a lot faster than it might be recovering from something like amnesia."

Mrs. Seaver sighed. "Okay, I guess it'll work. Although, I feel like I've been listening to lots of technobabble."

"Just be glad we haven't heard them try to explain the alien devices," Mr. Seaver quipped.

The Vulcans each sat with a Seaver. Dr. T'Choo sat in front of Mr. Seaver, and put his hands on Mr. Seaver's temples. Mr. Seaver did the same to Dr. T'Choo. "My mind to your mind," said Dr. T'Choo in a low voice, as if heavily concentrating. "My thoughts to your thoughts..."

Suddenly, the minds were linked. And, Mr. Seaver - like the others who were linked with other Vulcans - could understand what was meant. As they went through various family memories, Dr. T'Choo implanted Chrissy into them. From the announcement that Mrs. Seaver was pregnant again, and Ben asking if his mom could have a dog instead of a baby, to Chrissy's birth and so on. Some humorous moments just seemed so natural as they explored the recesses of the Seavers' minds. They even decided to give Chrissy an imaginary friend, thought it was doubtful she could remember it now - it was one of those things implanted about the four-year-old Chrissy. Indeed, it would mesh with the aliens' memory to create a new imaginary friend.

Captain Picard met Dr. Crusher in Sickbay a short time later. "The Seavers seem to be doing well in the holodecks."

"Yes, how are the others doing, Doctor?"

"Well, the DNA changes are going more slowly in some than in others. All I can say is that most will be aged between two and five years. There is at least one adult who will likely stay the same age, but features will have to be altered; he awakened groggily and gave his name as Darrin, that's all I know. Apparently, the alien process sped up the aging process in children, at lesat." She looked closely at him. "You look a little worn, too."

"Yes, well, it wasn't just being reminded of what the Borg did. Isn't it strange that our exact missions seemed to match their fiction?"

"Yes, especially...what did that one call it? 'Spock's Brain?' Usually titles are a little more catchy."

"Yes. You know, it makes me wonder, what if I've been aged prematurely and was rescued in the way we're doing. We would never know, would we?"

"No, I suppose not. Nor would I know if I lost someone I wasn't supposed to. I mean, how would we adjust that?" the doctor wondered. "It's one thing to go through all our databases on TV shows, but our records on that..."

Picard could tell Crusher looked uncomfortable. "What is it?"

"Well, I guess I think about this being a mother myself. I looked into the archives on that, because I thought, maybe I could help the family, maybe that would be one time where we beam the family aboard, just to help them, mind meld with them and so on."

"And?"

"Well, while looking through the data banks, I discovered there was no memory of Chuck Cunningham beyond the first couple seasons of a show called Happy Days. He exists for a couple seasons, then he disappears. And, there's no mention of him after that. It's like he ceased to exist."

"Wait, are you saying that this Chuck Cunningham, in whatever universe he existed for real, died?" PIcard was quite puzzled. "But, the aliens didn't kill people. Our scan of their logs did detect an attempted rebellion soon after the visit to the universe you described..."

"Well, no, that's just it. Tthey only...well, transmogrified them. But, the thing I wonder is, why doesn't anyone in that universe remember him? He's not even mentioned as missing."

"Good question; perhaps they were testing their mind altering technology?"

"That might be it. But, when it's all over, I'd like to visit that world, too. Just to make sure, and...well, make sure that family isn't just hiding their pain."

Picard nodded slowly. "Very well, Doctor, I see your point. We'll check on it after all our other work is complete. Send Data the co-ordinates once we've stopped at the other universes, and tell him to make it so."

Captain's Log, Stardate 80153.5: After using the alien device to determine how to find the other universes, we deposited the various altered people to their respective home worlds. The, we paid a special visit to the one Dr. Crusher wished to travel to, and arrived at Earth, circa 1955.

Riker rubbed his chin after he, Data, and Troi materialized on the surface in period dress. "It still feels weird having this thing gone, but nobody wore facial hair in this era."

"I know. That looks like Mr. Cunningham going to work, but I detect no signs that he is hiding any pain."

"I know, our scans showed no evidence of Chuck Cunningham ever having been here, and yet our data banks for the..." He struggled for words to say. "Well, the universe that's fictional in our world, which is where we now, clearly shows thaat he exists. Could it be that our fiction fails to match the real universe for once?" he asked, turning toward Data.

"That is highly unlikely, Sir. Of the universes we visited, all encounters matched perfectly with their fictional works - givent he odds against that happening, it now appears, since that is the case, the odds of Chuck Cunningham never having existed in this timeline are similarly highly remote."

"Maybe those young men can help us," Troi said as Richie Cunningham and the Fonz walked out of the Cunningham household. The Fonz ogled Troi, who smiled politely as they approached each other.

"Hey, you must be new in town," Fonz said. "This is a great neighborhood for a nice coule like you," he said, indicated Riker and Troi.

"Actually, we're not a..." Troi nudged Riker. "Ow."

"We're just engaged, that's all."

"Er...yes. My name is Will Riker, and this is my fiancee Deanna." He looked oddly at Troi and whispered, "What was that for?"

"I got the feeling the Fonz intended to invite me to 'make out' with him tonight if I didn't have at least a boyfriend," Troi whispered.

Dataa introduced himself as 'John Smith' once Richie and the Fonz introduced themselves, and said, "That is interesting. We were looking for a Chuck Cunningham."

As Richie was about to state that he'd never heard of the person, a large, egg-shaped spaceship landed behind them. A person stepped out with a red outfit that had an upside-down triangle on it. "Greetings, I am Mork from Ork. Nanu nanu."

"Nanu, nanu," Richie said, totally flabbergasted.

"Interesting. I had thought you were not supposed to appear in this universe for several years," Data responded.

"You know each other?" Richie said, still in shock.

"Yes, when I detected their starship, I decided that I'd better appear a little early." Mork, hyperactive as usual, explained to all that, "The question of Chuck Cunningham is one which I don't like to bring up. But, it seems that I may have been responsible when I made my first journey to Earth in the 1930s."

"Responsible for what?" Riker asked, somewhat agitated.

"Do you have time travel capabilities?" They did. "Fine. Let us go aboard your ship, and I shall explain. Oh, we better take my ship, though it might get a little cramped."

"You have a speceship, too?" Richie asked the Enterprise crew.

"Yes, we do." Riker sighed and turned to Troi and Data. "Well?"

Troi shrugged. "Why not? I don't imagine it would do much harm; we can always mind meld with them."

"All right. Riker to Enterprise," he said into his communicator, "six to beam, plus the..." He stared at it for a moment. "Egg spaceship. We'll explain when we get there."

Once on board the Enterprise, Captain Picard and others met with the newcomers in the briefing room, with Mork sitting on his head. The others looked at him oddly. "So, Mork, you are telling me that this ship of yours is capable of bending space and time?"

"That's correct. It appears that after traveling to Earth a couple years ago, I managed to appear undetected. It was then I spied Chuck Cunningham, and sought to explore human life from the beginning. However, my appearance back around the time they would have conceived him startled them enough, well, what more can I say?"

"You mean I should have had an older brother?" Richie said.

"Hey, stay cool," Fonz told him, "your life's been pretty cool without one."

"Perhaps he will sit normally if offered a drink," Dr. Crusher suggested. She got Mork a glass of water from the replicator, and sat it by his seat.

Mork got up and sat like the others, took the glass of water he'd been given, and drank it with his fingers, causing astonishment among everyone there. "Actually, you wouldn't have been much like him. All he ever did was eat and bounce a basketball. He also would have ended up drafted, anyway, and dying in an accident. The day I went back in time, he got his notice from the draft board, and was so distracteed, as he was driving to tell you, his car hit a telephone pole."

Data began spouting, "In the universe Mork created, you will be drafted and spend uneventful years in Greenland before returning home."

"How do you know all this; do you have records of everyone who ever lived on earth?"

"Actually, Richie, we know because in our universe, you are fictional," Riker explained.

"They wrote a fictional story about him?" Fonz said. He began laughing, then said, "Hey, what am I laughing about, I'm sitting here in a spaceship in the middle of nowhere."

"Maybe this is what they wrote about," Richie offered.

Mork shook his head. "I'm not sure what they wrote about, but I had planned to appear later to take you back with me to Ork."

"Wait, wait, before we get to that, I'd like to know more about this fictional work."

"And I'd like to know more about you, 'Mork.' Where is this planet, anyway?" Picard wondered.

"How do we know you're not a Q?" Riker added.

Mork said, "There's one way to find out." He took several pool balls out of his outfit and placed them on the table. He sat a white cue ball in front of him, bent down, and hit it with his head! It traveled several feet, just touching one of the other balls.

Mork rubbed his head. "Bit hard on the old noggin, but I'd say I'd make a passable cue."

"I was talking about the species known as Q. Q is an annoying creature who can do just about anything he wants," Picard explained.

Mork was sure. "That depends - does this Q have emotions?"

"Does insanity count as an emotion?" Riker asked.

"If it does, Mork is over halfway there," Worf announced.

Dr. Crusher explained that, "As I was scanning Mork, I found that he is all metabolism. I have never heard of such a creature."

"Right; which means I can do this." He pointed his finger at Dr. Crusher's tricorder, and at a spare chair, and they began talking to each other like sentient beings!

"You can't turn non-sentient objects into sentient beings," Picard declared.

"It's a violation of the laws of physics," Riker added.

Richie stared at him. "You transported us aboard a thousands of miles away, you say you jump universes, and that we're fictional in your universe, and your Commander Riker says you can travel to different stars in days. And you say he violates physics? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!"

The chair spoke. "I've never heard a pot talk, but I will say that when some people sit in me, I really want to scream out 'You're too heavy!'"

"Would you kindly turn the chair back into an object?" Picard asked with the same frustration with which he often addressed Q.

"Oh, all right, have it your way." Mork did as requested. "I just want you to know a couple things. First, I don't think humans are capable of having this aliens technology. I'd like to go back to your universe and relieve you of it. While we Orkans have such items, we don't allow anyone else to have them."

"It does appear that in the wrong hands, the aliens technology can be very problematic," Data agreed.

Geordi added, "Vulcans didn't think we could even handle interstellar travel for a while."

"Geordi is right," Picard said. "It is quite possible that in the future, we will be able to handle it after all. However, I believe it is a good idea to give you this technology for safekeeping in your universe." He rose, and the others followed. "We shall return Richie and the Fonz to their homeworld, and let you travel with us before returning. However, I will say one thing. If indeed you are not a Q, you certainly seem to be this universe's answer to Q. I suggest if you intend to study Earthlings, you do it much more discreetly than you have been."

Captain's Log, supplemental: We returned Richie and the Fonz to their universe with no memory of what had happened. We then returned to our universe, where Commander Riker and I met with Mork and his egg ship in our shuttle bay.

"Well, this is it, Mork. You have the devices to get back to your home...well, universe now."

"Yes, thank you, Commander Riker."

"I'm curious as to what, if any of the different friends and enemies of earth exist in your universe. I suppose in different universes, it is different for each one," Picard noted.

"You're probably right. I never met a Klingon, Vulcan, or anything like that in my travels. Then again, I can go to Ork and back in a day or two using our brand of what you call warp technology. So, it may just be like a superhighway passing a small town in the country."

"Perhaps. Anyway, thank you for assisting us on that final leg of a very weird journey."

"You're welcome. And I promise to bring it up to Orson when I can. It's fascinating that every universe that is fictional in your world's television programming has a corresponding real world. I wonder if there's one for cartoons; Earth cartoons in the U.S. are quite fascinating. When Richie talked about violating physics, there's an area where physical laws don't apply at all."

Picard took a deep breath. "Yes, I suppose that is the case. Well, if we ever do encounter a cartoon universe, I suspect it will have to be because of Q. Let us hope that he does not see fit to ever throw us into that dimension."


End file.
